Not so Grim

Oh hello! Yes, I know it’s been incredibly quiet on here but I have been without an internet connection since we moved house (and no, the odd few minutes here and there on Edward’s iPhone doesn’t really count!), but I am back in the land of the technological again and slowly catching up with everyone and everything. I have been running, but obviously unable to blog about it. I did have a little break due to being knocked sideways by a bout of conjunctivitis and flu which completely wiped out any chance I had of completing the Nike Grid challenge (although Team Audiofuel were storming ahead and I was quickly resigned to the bench to make way for faster/more determined/less ill runners). I also found it hard to get out during the Big Move and slowly crept back onto the streets after emerging from behind the boxes and paint brushes.

I have been having a bit of a running crisis really. After failing miserably with the Nike Grid thing, I began to wonder why on earth I do this. I don’t get any faster, it doesn’t make me any thinner, I don’t do it for the social side (apart, of course, from this wonderful virtual world I am a part of) and it isn’t making me particularly happy at the moment. After our house move, the only time I could get out and run seemed to be at 6.30 in the morning and this was making me feel rather glum. To give you an idea of my new running terrain, there is a park called ‘Hilly Fields’ and another called ‘Blythe Hill’ so, yes, it’s great for hill training but also has some potentially amazing views, all hidden beneath a blanket of darkness pre-seven o’clock. On one run, I found myself crying and wondering what on earth I was doing out there, I thought about hanging up my running shoes after Grim, and trying something new. This was over a week ago now, and I can’t remember what it was that lifted me out of those doldrums, but something did, and I am back on course to keep at it and try to enjoy my own limitations and small goals.

Grim, however, is going to have to wait. Here in South East London, we have been blessed with a more than hefty sprinkling of snow, and I have been anxiously checking the website to see if I should still dig out my warmest base layers. We had hired a car, with the plan of making it a family day – Hector would have loved the mud – but I began to wonder if I wasn’t being a tad selfish expecting the boys to hang around in the freezing cold while I had some fun with the other nutters (especially since Hector has a nasty cold and now painful chilblains 😦 ). My concerns were answered today with the postponement of the event until a later date. The car has been cancelled and we will stay put; Edward admitted he wasn’t looking forward to driving in this weather. I will, however, go out for a run tomorrow morning in honour of the event and to enjoy the gorgeous white blanket that is wrapped snugly around my new park. I *heart* snow πŸ™‚


6 thoughts on “Not so Grim

  1. Highway Kind says:

    It is good to have you back. The most important thing is that you are enjoying your new home so I hope that is going well.

    After such a major upheaval and an illness that runs you down (and often lingers) it is little wonder that you had a running crisis. It happens to everybody.

    I am just extremely impressed that you would still go out in the dark of the morning, when feeling a bit low. It shows character so well done

    The wonderful thing is that the joy always returns. If you have to have a little break or ease down for a period to find it. Well that is what you have to do. I

    Take care

  2. Mairead White says:

    So sorry to hear you are feeling low. Over the past few weeks I’ve hit a similar slump and I’m just about to move house again, so maybe it is something to do with that. In my case, I notice lots of times I get upset with things is because there is a gap between my expectations and what I do to reach those ideals.

    By not really being focused, or just doing other things- I fail to live up to my own expectations, not being fast enough, strong enough etc. These are often not really cold hard goals but loose ideals which hang around inside my head. It all adds up to periods of self blame and disappointment.

    I’m learning to take pressure off myself because all it does is take the fun out of things and never helps to achieve anything. It seems like that spark of joy that we find in running often burns out or simply disappears and then reappears.

    Maybe the spark just needs some time to grow in you again.

    Be gentle with yourself though, you seem like a nice person ; )

  3. Adele says:


    This is so true: ‘there is a gap between my expectations and what I do to reach those ideals’ I do keep setting myself daft goals, goals that are probably out of my reach in the long term, never mind in the ridiculously short time I usually set myself.

    I can see how moving house might have tipped things sideways a bit, but I do feel for you being on the move again so soon, at least we are putting down roots here so can settle and relax into our new world…though that could also be a stress point – have we made the right move, is this the place we want to bring up our child? Sheesh, we’re sensitive souls aren’t we?!

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